Why Weight, Eating and “Willpower” Are So Much More Complicated Than We Think
We live in a world obsessed with weight loss. Step on the scales; judge the number. Eat this, not that. Be “good,” avoid being “bad,” and try—again—to summon the mythical force we call willpower.
If you’ve ever felt trapped in this cycle, you’re not alone. For many people, weight and eating feel deeply confusing. One moment you’re hungry, the next you’re not. Some days you can’t stop thinking about food; other days you forget to eat until late afternoon and then end up grazing until bedtime. And if you’re trying to lose weight, you may feel frustrated by fluctuations on the scales that seem to have nothing to do with what you’ve actually eaten.
Weight loss is not simple.
Eating behaviour is not logical.
And your body is not a maths equation.
In reality, weight management is woven from threads of physiology, emotions, history, genetics, stress, hormones—and the culture we’ve all grown up in. Understanding these layers not only takes the shame out of eating, but also gives you a healthier, kinder, and much more effective foundation for long-term wellbeing.
1. Why the Scales Don’t Tell the Whole Story (and Often Cause More Harm Than Good)
Many people weigh themselves every day—sometimes several times a day. And while it might seem like useful “data,” for most people it’s a fast track to frustration and anxiety.
Here’s why:
Scale weight fluctuates constantly
Your weight shifts throughout the day because of:
water retention
hormone changes
digestion and bowel movements
inflammation
salt intake
glycogen storage
muscle repair
even where the scales are placed on the floor
These fluctuations can be pounds, not grams.
It’s no wonder researchers in some weight-loss trials deliberately avoid frequent weigh-ins—they can increase anxiety, obsession, cortisol levels, and can actually derail behaviour change. For someone with a dieting history or an emotional relationship with food, the scales often become a source of:
dread
shame
“all or nothing” thinking
compensatory eating or restriction
In other words:
Scales don’t reliably measure progress, but they do reliably increase stress.
And stress brings us directly to cortisol.
2. Stress, Cortisol and Their Surprising Role in Weight
Chronically elevated cortisol affects:
appetite hormones
fat storage (especially around the middle)
sleep
cravings
blood sugar regulation
motivation and energy
If stepping on the scales each morning elevates your stress response—even slightly—then the “monitoring tool” is actually contributing to the very thing you’re trying to change.
Sometimes the most helpful first step in supporting metabolic health is not a new diet, but rather reducing the noise and pressure that keeps your body in fight-or-flight mode.
3. Body Composition, Genetics and the Weight Set Point
Two people can eat the same food, move the same amount, and still look entirely different. Why?
Because:
genetics influence fat distribution
some people build muscle more easily
some store more visceral fat
some naturally sit at a higher or lower weight
metabolism varies significantly between individuals
We also have something called a biological weight set point—the range your body works extremely hard to return to if you push below it. This is why extreme dieting often results in rebound weight gain.
Tools like waist circumference, strength, energy levels, hunger cues, and metabolic markers often give a more useful picture of health than scale weight.
4. The Important Roles of Body Fat: It’s Not the Enemy
Body fat is often demonised, but it plays essential biological roles:
hormone production
temperature regulation
cushioning organs
supporting fertility
storing energy for later use
The problem is not body fat itself.
The problem is when fat is stored around the organs (visceral fat) and creates metabolic stress.
We can reduce visceral fat through nutrition, lifestyle, nervous system support, hormone regulation, and emotional wellbeing—not by punishing the body or forcing it through extreme diets.
5. Diet Culture and the Myth of Willpower
Diet culture tells us:
weight loss should be hard
hunger is good
“good” eating requires discipline
success means suffering
if you “fail,” it’s your fault
None of this is true.
Diet culture assumes your body is a machine.
It ignores:
your physiology
your hunger hormones
your genetics
your life circumstances
your relationship with food
your trauma history
your stress levels
your daily responsibilities
your emotional landscape
No wonder it doesn’t work.
And calorie-restricted diets don’t just fail 95% of the time—they can:
lower thyroid output
increase hunger hormones
slow metabolic rate
disrupt circadian rhythms
increase preoccupation with food
This is precisely the environment that leads some people toward unregulated eating, weight regain, or considering weight loss medications.
6. UPFs, Appetite, Hormones, and Why Eating Can Feel Out of Control
Ultra-processed foods (UPFs) are engineered to be eaten quickly, easily, and in large volumes. They alter:
satiety signals
dopamine response
blood sugar
cravings
appetite regulation
They encourage mindless eating and make it harder for the body’s natural hunger and fullness signals to communicate clearly. For some people, GLP-1 drugs feel like a lifeline because they finally reduce the noise in the appetite system.
But long before medication, there’s a deeper question:
Why do we eat the way we do?
And why are we rarely asked?
7. Emotional Eating: The Missing Conversation in Weight Management
Eating is emotional.
It always has been.
Food is:
soothing
nostalgic
cultural
comforting
rewarding
celebratory
relational
symbolic
Some people eat to cope.
Some eat to numb.
Some eat to connect.
Some eat because they don’t know how to feel hunger.
Some eat because they’ve ignored hunger for so long their body doesn’t trust them anymore.
And many eat automatically, robotically, because they are disconnected from their bodies.
Understanding your emotional relationship with food isn’t optional—it’s essential for lasting change.
8. The Restrict–Binge Cycle (and Why It Makes Everything Worse)
The pattern often looks like this:
skip breakfast
eat something “light” at lunch
feel in control … until the evening
overeat or binge
feel guilty
restrict again the next day
This cycle increases cravings, slows metabolism, dysregulates appetite hormones, and reinforces shame.
It’s not a failure of discipline.
It’s a predictable physiological and psychological response to deprivation.
9. What Successful Long-Term “Losers” Actually Do (It’s Not the Diet)
Research following people who lose weight and keep it off long-term finds something fascinating:
Success has very little to do with the diet itself.
It is shaped by:
enjoyment
meaning
personal values
community
connection
experimentation
lifestyle rhythms
trying new things
compassion rather than pressure
Those who maintain success tend to view their journey as expansive, not restrictive. They add things—skills, movement, knowledge, self-understanding—rather than taking things away.
10. So What Actually Helps? (The Connected Eating Approach)
Here are the principles I teach in my clinic and in my Liberate programme:
✔️ your hunger and fullness
Noticing:
physical hunger
emotional hunger
stress hunger
habitual hunger
hormonal hunger
Using tools like somatic tracking helps rebuild trust with your body.
✔️Eating with your circadian rhythm
Many people who skip breakfast aren’t “not hungry”—they’re experiencing:
disrupted cortisol rhythm
dysregulated blood sugar
metabolic inflexibility
or they’re simply disconnected from hunger signals
Eating earlier in the day often supports:
energy
metabolic health
appetite regulation
emotional steadiness
✔️Building a plate that actually satisfies
Not restriction—nutrition:
quality protein
natural fats
fibre
colour
slow-burning carbohydrates
This combination supports fullness, stable energy, cravings reduction, and a more peaceful relationship with food.
✔️Counting nourishment, not calories
Calories tell you nothing about metabolic impact.
But nutrients tell you almost everything.
✔️Understanding what food is, physiologically
When you understand what food does inside the body, you stop fearing it and start using it wisely.
✔️Supporting stress and emotional health
Food and feelings are not separate.
Learning regulation, self-kindness, and emotional literacy transforms eating patterns.
✔️Experimenting rather than obeying
No plan works for everyone.
But everyone can learn to listen to their body.
Final Thoughts: A Kinder, More Intelligent Way to Think About Eating
Weight, eating, hunger, cravings, and body shape are never just about food.
They’re about:
biology
hormones
emotions
history
stress
culture
connection
safety
When we stop reducing weight loss to calorie maths and start understanding the whole human, everything begins to make sense.
And when people feel understood—not judged—they finally have the space to change.
