Episode 35 - Understanding Teenagers: Tackling Stress, Self-Doubt & Confidence with Maria Evans

7 Apr

Healthily | 04/07/25

Parenting a teenager isn’t easy—but neither is being a teenager. Between school stress, self-doubt, mood changes, and increasing independence, it can feel like a whirlwind of emotions and challenges.

In this episode of Healthily, I’m joined by teen coach Maria Evans, who has spent years working with teenagers and their families. Together, we unpack:
✔️ Why teens experience self-doubt & school stress (especially during exam season)
✔️ How changes in teen behavior are part of their development (not just ‘being difficult’)
✔️ Effective communication strategies to strengthen your relationship with your teen
✔️ How to help teenagers build confidence & independence—without overwhelm

If you’re a parent, teacher, or simply someone who wants to better understand the teen mind, this episode is for you.

TAKEAWAYs

✔️ Self-Doubt Is Inherited — and It’s Normal

Maria explains that all humans have self-doubt — it's the brain’s way of keeping us safe. Much of it is:

Handed down unconsciously through generations
Formed by early experiences, especially moments where a child felt embarrassed, confused, or unsuccessful
Strengthened by repeated meaning-making, e.g., “I failed once, so I’m bad at this”

Key reminder: Self-doubt is not a flaw — it’s a protective mechanism.

✔️ How Self-Doubt Shows Up in Teens

Teenagers often express self-doubt through behaviour rather than words. It can look like:

Avoidance (not doing homework, skipping revision, avoiding challenges)
Self-sabotage (“class clown” behaviour to avoid trying and failing)
All-or-nothing thinking (“I’m terrible at maths” / “I’ll never get this”)
Loss of motivation when previous experiences created a negative belief

This isn’t laziness — it’s a protective instinct trying to prevent discomfort.

✔️ Reframing the ‘Inner Critic’ as the ‘Inner Protector’

Maria prefers the term Inner Protector (from Sas Petherick’s coaching model) because it:

Removes shame
Encourages compassion
Helps teens soothe themselves instead of fighting themselves

Approach it like a frightened toddler:
➡️ You don’t shout at it — you comfort it.

✔️ How to Help a Teen Rebuild Believe in Themselves

Step 1: Revisit the Origin Story

Go back to the moment where the belief formed (e.g., failing a Year 8 exam) and explore:

What else could have been true?
Were they stressed, unsupported, distracted, or unwell?
Did lockdown or teacher changes affect learning?

This helps them see the situation with more nuance.

Step 2: Create a New Supportive Belief

For example:

“Maths is challenging, but I’m improving a little every day.”

Step 3: Build Evidence for That Belief

This is where parents can help by gathering:

School reports
Teacher feedback
Little wins and improvements

If there's no evidence yet → create opportunities for small wins (micro-actions, mini-revisions, small goals).What Parents Can Do (Without Guilt)

✔️ What Parents Can Do (Without Guilt)

Parents often panic and think: “Have I passed my self-doubt on?”
Maria’s message:

Guilt doesn’t help — compassion does.
Awareness means you can change patterns, no matter your child’s age.
Most of what we pass on is unconscious, and repair is always possible with warmth and honesty.

The real work starts with you: